The adoptive journey is complex and wonderful and full of a wide range of emotions. This of course applies to all marriages, but our journey was through adoption. Keeping your marriage intact is difficult, but absolutely essential. I’m all about my marriage to Heather and that stays primary throughout the emotional struggle of adoption and raising the kiddos. Nothing is more important than the marriage relationship in providing the stability you have promised to provide in adoption. I tell the kids all the time that I’m going to be with their mom long after they are gone from home and she is the most important.
Heather and I consider ourselves teammates in this endeavor. We have faced a lot of trials together. Wait. . . it seems we are always facing trials. Often times an argument puts you “face to face,” but we have decided to try to keep the problems out in front of us. Facing the problem “arm in arm” keeps us from pointing fingers at each other and imagining that the teammate is the problem.
We are forever grateful for our group of Christian friends and family who hang with us. They encourage us and provide practical support. They are just as important to us today, now that we are raising these kids, as they were in our process of expanding our family. They prayed for us, paid for a date night AND babysat the kids. They cry with us and surround us. Thanks to all of you Bauer supporters.
How do you keep close when the emotions threaten to tear you apart?
After a struggle with infertility, Heather and I looked at the investment of tens of thousands of dollars toward fertility treatments and weighed that against the cost of adoption. I was reluctant at first because I wanted to see how handsome my children would be, based on my wife’s good looks. It was pretty natural of course to want to produce children to carry on the Bauer legacy, but Heather and I talked about her early conviction that she would like to adopt. That began to grow on both of us until our minds were set on adoption. After adopting our first boy from Guatemala, Heather had surgery for endometriosis (the presumed cause of the infertility) and the doctor gave us the news that if we wanted to get pregnant, this was the time. It took us two seconds of looking in each other’s eyes to confirm that we wanted to adopt more kiddos. I think the way the conversation went was that, on our pay scale, we would be able to handle raising about one more kid. At this point, we were well aware that there were kids out there who were already alive and on a life trajectory and we couldn’t handle the thought of limiting the space in our family by giving birth to a child. That’s when we knew that adoption had become more than an option it was a conviction from God. This conviction has obviously grown to be a trademark of the Bauer family.
I’m stunned! Just barely made in on the plane with all 8 of us to head home. Home sweet home. My heart is so full of the kindness of others. I was flooded with texts and messages which reminded me of the amazing support the Bauers have. Our experience on the TODAY show revealed so much about the friends we have who are pullling for us. I’m thankful for the plane tickets, hotel rooms, the amazing gift of a cruise with the family, a glimpse of the show business and 24 hours in NYC. No doubt about that, but you guys are blessing my socks off with your cheers and retweets and posts. Our adoption journey is still going and we are so glad to have your support. It’s a bit embarrassing to get this much attention but Jesus arranged it and I want to keep my eyes on him. Oddly, standing in Times Square last night, it was clearer than ever that I don’t want to win at the American dream. It pushed me out of any fear or man or desire to please anyone but Jesus. Jesus lead on, I will follow. Follow Jesus. He will be enough. More than enough.